Daunting Dread Come Thursday

I mentioned in my Introducing Me post that I’m hearing impaired. I wear hearing aids, I’ve had them since six years of age. My condition is called Bilateral Hearing Loss…..I think…..anyway it’s genetic as well as progressive so it’s just gonna keep getting worse…..(yay)  It’s a stubborn as hell recessive gene that doesn’t want to leave my family (sorry future kids, it sucks).

Unfortunately, my hearing seems to be going downhill a lot faster than my father’s has and faster than my younger brother’s currently is. And we don’t know why. So Thursday, I am seeing a specialist and we’ll hopefully figure out what the hell is wrong with me, on top of the shit that’s already there. The scary part is not knowing and the fact that my audiologist said I may be a candidate for the choclear implant. When she said that, I wanted to cry. Not only out of fear (who the fuck wants to get a hole drilled in their skull???) but out of frustration as well. Not knowing what else is wrong with you. The waiting. I hate this condition, it’s caused me so much pain physically and emotionally. But it’s a part of who I am.

My boyfriend is nothing but supportive of all this. In fact, my family, my boyfriend, and I are starting sign language classes in a couple weeks. That should be fun.

So until Thursday, I will be a giant ball of frustration and anxiety.


so yeah





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